Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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