I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
