i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
