If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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