I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
