that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
