her vagine was all disorganized.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Ketchup is God's man juice
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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