I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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