This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
