I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
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I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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