Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
