I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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