Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
