i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
