my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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