party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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