i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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