awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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