On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
