I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
