she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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