look no pants
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
