It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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