so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
