I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm just crazy horny about you
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
