I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have post one night stand depression
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