The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
