i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
