Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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