I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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