I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
