like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
