Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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