I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
