apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
