Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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