I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
