Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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