gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize