Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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