Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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