I'm jealous of your bromance
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
