Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
