Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
