Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
