i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
