I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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