We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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