No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
