I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
