I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
