Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
