I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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