my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
