i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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