I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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