Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
