We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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