He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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