is your mom at the bar?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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