Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
