She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
