...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
