I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
