Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
