i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
