I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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