Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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