he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
